22. Spirituality

Fifty years ago, no one except those connected with religion would have thought that spirituality was an appropriate subject for discussion in a nonreligious context. Some may still see spirituality as naive or irrelevant to the business of living. I believe it is our connection to the universe and is basic to our existence, and therefore is essential to our therapeutic context.

      My personal ideas and understanding of spirituality began with my own experiences as a child, growing up on a dairy farm in Wisconsin. Everywhere I saw growing things. Very early, I understood that growth was life force revealing itself, a manifestation of spirit. I looked at the tiny seeds I planted and watched them grow into big plants. Little chickens emerged from eggs and little piglets came from a sow’s belly. Then I saw my brother being born. I marvelled. This was something grand and wonderful. I felt the mystery, the excitement, and the awesomeness. Those wondrous feelings remain with me today, and I think they have guided me in finding ways to help people grow.

      We know how growth works, but we do not know how it starts. No one, as yet, has been able to invent an egg or seed capable of reproducing itself in any living thing. I respect the power of life; I know it to be both frail and tough. Any life can be snuffed out in a second, and it can also endure through impossible odds.

      My reverence for life was set early in life. No plants ever grew better because I demanded that they do so or because I threatened them. Plants grew only when they had the right conditions and were given proper care, Which, for me, includes loving them and sometimes talking to them. Finding the right place and the proper nourishment for plants——and people as well——is a matter of continual investigation and vigilance.

      Each of us emerges as a bud on a universal spiritual tree. That tree links all human beings through its roots. Each of us can learn how to become a wise leader who will love, take care of, and nurture the precious life we have been given.

      When we ourselves have been nourished, we can then be appropriate in our nourishment of others. This is one reason that I recommend every community have a “cuddle room” where people can come to get spiritual and psycho- logical nourishment. Fortunately, some churches have done something in this direction, providing a room for respite and personal connection.

      Creating such caretaking approaches and crystalizing the inner recognition (what I call bone knowledge) is the realization that we are spiritual beings in human form. This is the essence of spirituality. How we apply our spiritual essence shows how we value life.

      The creation of life comes from a power much greater than our own. The challenge of becoming more fully human is to be open to and to contact that power we call by many names, God being one frequently used. I believe that successful living depends on our making and accepting a relationship to our life force.

      The physical connections to our spirituality are safely housed in our human seeds. Only when sperm and egg unite is the human seed complete and capable of becoming a human being. An egg and sperm alone are only storage tanks awaiting the great meeting. For me, seeds and birth are spirituality in action.

      When the union between sperm and egg takes place, a fantastic event occurs. Powerful energy is released and a new human being——unique, no exact duplicate of anyone else, ever before——begins getting ready to burst forth onto this earth. I feel overpowered when I try to comprehend how this very tiny human embryo can produce something as big, complicated, and multifaceted as a person.

      Moreover, this tiny seed contains all the ingredients for the intricate systems that make up a living, breathing human being. The life force not only oversees the growth in each seed, but channels the energy so each part gets what it needs.

      Is this not a miracle? We need to find ways to cherish, enjoy, nurture, and effectively use this miracle. Your birth, my birth, everyone’s birth is a spiritual event and a cause for celebration. Obviously, we need to provide the richest context possible so that each child can grow up to be fully

human. We are not at that point yet. For many, the miracle of birth is eclipsed by the grim conditions into which children are born. Nonetheless, when we accept the fact that each child contains the ingredients of a “walking and waking” miracle, we have a foundation for positive behavior on a world scale. Certainly, the family is the first place this happens. We are slowly moving to that kind of reverence for life.

      In the effort to change behavior, it is easy to crush the spirit, thus crippling the body and dulling the mind. This approach is largely due to equating the value of a person with the nature of his or her behavior. Remembering that behavior is something we learn, on the other hand, we can simultaneously honor the spirit and foster more positive behavior.

      Recognizing the power of spirit is what healing, living, and spirituality are all about. Many pay lip service to spirituality without living it. Conversely, the very effective Alcoholics Anonymous programs are built on the premise that when individuals accept and face their higher power, their life force is called upon and their healing begins. Literally thousands of people have shifted their lives from agony to joy and have become changed human beings through living this philosophy. No other approach has ever accomplished so much.

      We are all unique manifestations of life. We are divine in our origins. We are also the recipients of what has gone before us, which gives us vast resources from which to draw. I believe that we also have a pipeline to universal intelligence and wisdom through our intuition, which can be tapped through meditation, prayer, relaxation, awareness, the development of high self-esteem, and a reverence for life. This is how I reach my spirituality.

      We can more easily reach this wise part of ourselves when we are calm inside, when we feel good about ourselves, and when we know how to take positive approaches. I refer to this as being centered.

      I work on learning to love the spirit unconditionally while at the same time recognizing, reorienting, and transforming behavior to fit ethical and moral ideals. This is one of the most urgent challenges of our time. My spirituality equals my respect for the life force in myself and all living things.

      The following centering exercise is one that I practice; by doing it, you too can deepen your experience of spirituality.

      Sit comfortably on a chair with your feet on the floor. Gently close your eyes and simply notice your breathing.

      Now silently go inside and give yourself a message of appreciation that might sound something like this: “I appreciate me.” This is to give your spirit strength from your actions.

      Next, visualize yourself affirming your connection with your creator.

      From time to time as you continue this exercise, be in touch with your breathing.

      Now go deeper inside and locate the place where you keep the treasure known by your name. As you approach this sacred place, notice your resources: your ability to see, hear, touch, taste, and smell, to feel and to think, to move and to speak and to choose.

      Linger long enough at each of these resources to remember all the many times you used them, how you are using them now, and know that they will be available to you in the future. Then let
yourself remember that these resources are part of you and are capable of many new sights, sounds, and so forth. Realize that you can never really be helpless as long as you recognize you have these resources.

      Let yourself remember that as a creature in this universe, you are the recipient of the energy from the center of the earth, which brings you your ability to be grounded, and to make sense; the energy from the heavens, which brings you your intuition, imagination, and inspiration; and the energy from other human beings who area: ready to be with you and have you with them.

      Remind yourself to be free to look at and listen to everything, but to choose only that which fits you. Then you can clearly say yes to those things thatfit you and no to the things that don’t. You will then be able to do positive things for yourself and others instead of negative things such as fighting.

      Now again, give yourself permission to breathe.

      This can take one minute or five minutes. You decide. Commit this exercise to memory and practice it often. Every time I do this, I am again reminded who I am and given an opportunity to feel a new sense of strength which becomes my link to life.

      I want to end this chapter with another autobiographical note.

       I started a private practice over thirty-five years ago. Because I was a woman and had nonmedical training, the people who were available to me were the “rejects” of other therapists and the very “high-risk” persons, those who had been abused, were alcoholic, “psychopathic,” and generally seen as untreatable. But many of these people began to blossom as the treatment proceeded. I think now that this happened because I was working to contact their spirits, loving them as I went along. The question for me was never whether they had spirits, but how I could contact them. That is what I set out to do. My means of making contact was in my own congruent communication and the modeling that went With it.

      It was as though I saw through to the inner core of each being, seeing the shining light of the spirit trapped in a

thick black cylinder of limitation and self-rejection. My effort was to enable the person to see what I saw; then, together, we could turn the dark cylinder into a large, lighted screen and build new possibilities.

      I consider the first step in any change is to contact the spirit. Then together we can clear the way to release the energy for going toward health. This too is spirituality in action.