25. Peace Within, Peace Between, and Peace Among

I want to build on the idea that the world is a family of nations, made up of people like you and me. These nations are led by people, just as any other family is. They happen to be people in governments, but they face the same issues, challenges, and possibilities that individuals in families face.

       Creating peace in the world strongly resembles making peace in the family. We are learning how to heal families, and we can use those learnings to heal the world. Our global family is dysfunctional and, in effect, operates with the same themes as any other dysfunctional family. In many governments, power is concentrated in one person or role. Identity is seen in terms of conformity and obedience, and autonomy is subject to someone else’s approval.

      In and between countries, conflict is often dealt with by blame and punishment. Solutions are reached by decree, threat, force, and avoidance. Trust is frequently betrayed and therefore suspect. Relationships are based on dominance and submission.

      We know that the child who discovers he or she gets results by threat, force, or manipulation will likely use those methods as an adult, unless there has been an intervention. The threat used by a child might be a fist or a stick. As an adult, it might be a gun or a bomb; it will still be the same process.

      Since a majority of people are brought up with these learnings, it is no surprise to find that most leaders of the world practice them. Through war crises, hunger, and economic depressions, the world family cries out to us for help in much the same way the dysfunctional family shows its pain through symptoms.

      At this point, all people on Earth are living under the shadow of the threat of nuclear war. Paradoxically, we also have more information and technology regarding human beings than at any other previous time. We are living in a time of great opportunity as well as potential peril. Our choices will make the difference. You and I will make those choices.

      In today’s world, we can reach almost any person almost anywhere on the planet in seconds, through satellites and other communication vehicles. Through television, we can see what is going on everywhere, as it happens. Computers can calculate vast amounts of information in fractions of a second. We can fly to almost any place on the globe in seventeen hours. We can make space bridges between continents. We have put astronauts on the moon. We are even talking about putting dwellings in space.

      We have the intelligence and skill to create splendid and sometimes awesome technology. We have yet to work out a reliable way for the people of the world to live and work together. Now we need to use our intelligence to achieve this. Once we decide down to our very bones that the time is now, that it is necessary, we will succeed.

      I Wonder what would happen if suddenly during one night, all five billion persons in the world learned the essentials of congruent living:

To communicate clearly
To cooperate rather than compete
To empower rather than subjugate
To enhance individual uniqueness rather than categorize
To use authority to guide and accomplish “what fits” rather than force compliance through the tyranny of power
To love, value, and respect themselves fully
To be personally and socially responsible
To use problems as challenges and opportunities for creative solutions

I think we would wake up in a very different world, a world in which peace is possible. It is only a matter of change in consciousness. What will cause each of us to change our minds? I believe it will be when we love and value ourselves enough and recognize that we are spiritual beings.

      When we think of changing our world, the task seems so enormous that it is intimidating. Where could one person start? Among five billion people, one person seems like only a straw in a haystack, feeling powerless to change anything. I am not so brash as to think that one person could do this job alone. However, many persons of like mind coming together could begin the change.

      I recently saw a button that said, “Peace begins with me.” When one lives peace, the change starts. This is how a solitary person can start——with himself or herself. When I model peacefulness and harmony, all who are around me are affected. The same is true for you and others. Margaret Mead said, “Change has always come about by a few committed people.”

      If we had all been brought up differently, the world would be a peaceful place. Our job is to embrace the new learnings that can create new individual awareness.

      My thesis is both simple and logical. If we bring up children in a peaceful context in which adult leaders model congruence, the children will become peaceful adults who, in turn, will create a peaceful world.

      Most parents unwittingly defeat themselves by creating an unpeaceful family context and consequently do not model what they preach. Therefore, the old learnings live on. Our challenge now is to interrupt these old patterns and develop new ones that will enable us to help one another rather than making war on each other.

      War as a means of acceptable conflict resolution now belongs in museums with the other relics of antiquity.

      There are people who already are discovering the secret of congruence. They are learning to treasure their own miraculousness and that of others. They connect with each other on the basis of sameness and grow and enjoy each other on the basis of differentness. They believe in their capacity to grow and change. They know how to be emotionally honest. They are vital, engaging human beings with a sense of purpose and the ability to laugh at themselves.

      These are the people who are qualified to be leaders for peace. They are scattered about the planet and are often unknown to one another. Networks are beginning to form, and bridges are being built between them. As these people come together, they create a positive critical mass which, because of its nurturing force, will attract similar energy.

      Until a strong force emerges for positive change, society will remain as it is. We are all members of society and have the power to change it if we choose. Each of us can make a difference.

      You can help by developing a network, enlisting your friends. You will soon see who is ready. For those who are not yet ready, simply love them, be open to them, and be prepared to welcome them when the time comes.

      In your effort to connect with other people, you may be surprised to find that there are many “closet believers” who have been too shy to speak out for what they believe. Your contact with them may be just enough to give them the support they need to come out into the open so you can join each other.

      Today, rather than having a positive critical mass, we have a negative one which has been building over many years. Its origins and support come from attitudes manifested in violence, distrust, greed, coercion, and apathy. These conditions engendered fear, which reinforces the helplessness of people who already feel that way.

       People who are strong and have a sense of high self-worth will not support such a negative mass nor act as its victims. This does not mean that the negative critical mass is made up of bad people. They are just ordinary individuals who feel unworthy within or dislike themselves. They meet the world through blaming problems on others, ignoring trouble, or denying what is going on.

      For example, it is easy to think of human beings as numbers, categories, or statistics instead of as people. We read that 40,000 people are killed each year by automobiles whose drivers were drunk, or that 500 people die in a warring country. We may feel a momentary shock and sadness, yet we soon go about our lives as though nothing momentous had occurred. We remain basically untouched. In many instances, we do not take action because we feel totally helpless.

       What a difference experience it becomes when one of those 40,000 or 500 is a wife, husband, child, parent, or close friend. When the experience is a personal tragedy, we are touched. Only then are we moved to do something.

       What do we have to do to personalize these tragedies when they do not affect one of our loved ones? If we saw each statistic concerning human beings in terms of a person who had a name, had dreams and yearnings, and was someone’s father, mother, sister, brother, spouse, or friend——who felt, breathed, thought, tended machines, toiled the ground, cried when hurt, bled when cut, and laughed when amused——would we not feel a sense of identification?

      Would we do more to change the political, social, economic, and personal tyranny that is responsible for these deaths? I believe we would.

      Today, “I” may not have been the target, but what about tomorrow? We are slowly realizing that the place to start a new consciousness is with each individual, in the family. There we can learn how to love and value ourselves, which will be reflected in how we love others. As I have stated elsewhere in this book, when one cares deeply about the life force within oneself, one would do nothing to injure that self or another self.

      In other words, people who really care about and value themselves move toward engaging and contacting others in loving, respectful, and realistic ways. They use their energies to develop possibilities for all human beings.

      There has never yet been a society whose priority and prevailing value was the worth of all human beings. We who are living now are the first to even attempt it. Our future in the world needs to be one in which all countries feel first-rate about themselves. This requires the same learnings that are needed to stop war and create peace. Each of us can make a difference in this matter.

      Whether or not we acknowledge it, all people are connected as manifestations of life, symbolized by the universal presence of a sperm and egg and supported by a cosmic spirituality. Similarly, all nations are connected. The relationships between nations form a giant network through which the energy of five billion souls surges constantly and daily. The quality of that energy affects the health of the planet in much the same way that the quality of blood and oxygen affect the health of a person.

      I believe that the quality of human energy rests on the value society places on individuals and the value individuals place on themselves. Strong, congruent, vital people cope creatively, realistically, and fairly with what life hands them. Throughout this book, I have shown how one becomes strong, congruent, and vital. These qualities are available for everyone. That makes peace available to all, once we change our consciousness and our minds. With that change, we will be able to create a social and political world that serves the needs of all people, respecting differentness and forming bonds based on sameness.